Monday, April 30, 2007
today went out with her..
i was really attract to her..
coz.. the way she talk to kids was so cute..
and the way she slp on my shoulder..
and she told me if i dun talk back to her
she will love me..
i was so shocked when she say this..
if only she knows i wanna love her..
hais..
always blame myself dun have the courage to tell her in the face..
she told me alot of story..
alot of things that happen in her life..
alot of ups and down..
dunno y i have the patience to listen also..
den i notice we really behave like couple..
but my dream ba...
on the way home..
i really hope we stay in the mrt forever..
coz i juz dun wan to leave..
but haiz..
when i reach hme and saw her msn..
it says"i hope i wont fall for u again..i think i miss you..."
i ask her who she miss..
actually the answer i want is.."U"
but she say she dun know..
juz write for fun..
maybe ba..
angela..
i juz wanna say..
i m there for u..
missed you @ 10:58 PM
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...
been looking for song to put on my blog..
then found this song lo..
honestly i very scare to put this song..
cos everytime listen to this song..
i will cry..
but i try to brave it thru to put ba..
onli this song can truely say my feeling ba.
i been writing a lot of letter..
but nv dare to gv her every piece of it..
maybe is the fear of her being more fan ba..
juz wanna let her know beside him..
there is me to care and love her..
u say becos we understand each other too much thts y being together is very wierd..
but do u know i dun really understand myself..
i juz wan someone to understand myself..
and u r the gal..
but wad u say makes me become blur of wad love is le..
remember when u play this song..
and i told u..
this song really describing about us..
and u ask y..
i explain everything to u..
and i cried le..
tht was the first tym i brk down in front of u..
but u said dun cry..
maybe ba..
u really numb le..
like me..
but r we really numb?
r we really have no feeling?
or r we hiding?
u say u wanna find a stead..
but do u know there is one person always waiting for u.
missed you @ 10:30 PM
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Friday, April 27, 2007
life is full of ups and down..
but mine seems to b all down no up..
stress and sadness everyday..
why?
i juz wanna have someone who can understand me..
someone to love me..
someone to care for me..
but?
why u say i understand u
and u keep on saying things that hurt me..?
is this the way to hurt urself from falling in love with me.
is this why u keep on pretending and hiding?
if this is so...
den i hope u will live better ba...
hope u know what i do is for ur gd ba..
if u think that making me give up is gd for u..
den..
i hope u understand that i m been force to give up nt i wan..
yes this is the way i m..
u may say i m flirt..
u may sae that i m useless..
but if saying all this make u feel better..
as u wish ba..
now all i need is someone to love me..
some to care for me..
if there is ...
pls.. save me from falling..
coz falling to somewhere i dunno is very scary and honestly i dun dare to face it..
if u cant save me from fallin.. plz let go.. coz u dun understand me ...
if there is someone..
tell me.. i may wanna cry it all out..
really..
i really cant take it le...
i been withstanding all this too long le...
my heart and everything really going to tired le..
maybe going to stop soon...
frends out there.. to u all.. i may b the one always laughing joking..
but i juz dun wanna show my feelin..
i scare i may brk down..
even i m too scare to face myself..
so i think its better to hide everything ba..
actually i dun wan to b myself..
i wanna b some superman which can withstand everything..
but i m nt superman.. i nt wonder man..
i m juz a human..
a human which have feeling also..
a human which need a shoulder to cry ..
a human which will do wrong thing de..
a human which needs to cry..
a human who need loves...
but i dun think the thing i get is human de..
its more like a robot de..
i dun need a perfect gal..
i juz need..
someone to understand and care for my feeling..
why is it so hard?
why?
why?
i try to cut myself severly..
but i cant feel the pain..
yes i m numb le..
missed you @ 6:23 AM
* * *
...sian..
today sick again.. kena ask to go ttsh..
go there tio x-ray..
wa.. the x-ray of my lung very nice sia..
coz yesterdae vomit blood...
then he say is nt from the stomach is from the lung de...
then need x-ray..
the lung de vein super thick sia..
he say i exercise alot..
thats y so thick.. hey prove i healthy sia..no la..
btw guys my stomach become stage 1 le...
but i still really gd mood...
first i got sick today..
went hme..
my parent say i alot of problem..
say til like i wanna b sick like dat..
den went to hospital with me..
nvm.. go home.. juz wanna come out awhile to sort my things...
but leh? she say i go meet gal..
fine.. i meet angela..
guess wad she sae to me..
she say u sick not my problem wad...
double fed up and sad..
nvm la.. used to it le...
if it is like dat then like dat lo..
really dun have the mood to do anything...
but a spark suddenly grow..
this gal.. she ask me hao ma..
she saae she wanna b my gal..
i really cant promise anything..
juz to say..
if she really love me..
den hope she understand wad i need ba..
yes she is a gd gal..
but i cant promise i m a gd boi..
she say she dun wan me c gal gal..
the prob is i nt interest le...
missed you @ 6:13 AM
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Saturday, April 21, 2007
.. today went out with angela...
she cried again..
althou i didnt sae out.
but i think.. she saw it or rather feel it..
when i lend her my shoulder..
i really nearly cried out..
she really been thru too much le..
she try to laugh in front of me..
but.. i know
she is very sad inside..
i dunno when i can let her know..
let her know i wanna care for her..
maybe it is a forever secret ba..
till dat dae come i think she alread have a bf le ba..
able to b there when she cry is enuff..
do u know that i wanna hold u?
do u know that i wanna love u?
how i wish i got the courage to say out..
but i think u wont b able to understand..
yesterddae call carol den know u all also gt problem..
anyway hope we can meet up..
missed you @ 9:59 AM
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Wednesday, April 18, 2007
..sick...
was on medication for quite long...
today was 18.04.07 5th time i faint le...
went to medical centre for consult...
was send to sickbay or rather their hospital for drip..
4 drip for 5 hour.. very weak le...
from monday til now nv eat a single thing...
every time eat le will vomit...
was ask to go home..
i smoke again le..
... i was asked to book out and go home rest...
i went to see my ex..
coz i promise to buy something for her.. i really brought le..
she accept it and finally she smile le..
she ask me why i look so pale..
i told her why and she care alot ...
but when i asked why she care she say she will care as long as its frend..
i was sad le..
i told her i really wanna b with her..
she told me.. she dun dare to b with ns guy..
she ask me to think again after two years..
i know i will wait but by the time..
will she b single? will she b the same?
will she change? will she move house?
will i die? will i move her again?
will she tell me all her prob?
i dunno.. but i wait ba...
i really need her ba... ya btw xin hui is my mei again le..
guys if u all wanna contact me or talk with me can call me k
coz we long tym nv talk also.. k la.. my stomach pain again le..
bye..
missed you @ 9:36 AM
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Sunday, April 15, 2007
guys really long time no c le.. i think 2 years or so ba...finally back to write my blog le.. since i go in ns this is my first blog le. ha.. ya things happen fast.. i m single again.. no nt her fault is i do something wrong that i cant forgive myself..
i miss my ex again...
angela...
i had to brk up so as to b fair to pearl... i m a man.. if i did something wrong i have to face it.. i now wanna b single awhile ba.. hope to get my mind straight at wad i wanna do...yes u all may think i m stupid.. but to me.. i really dun wanna hurt anyone..
i rather i hurt myself den anyone get hurt because of me.. selfish? if they have a better future, why not?.. being with me is so xin ku... yes i smoke again le... frends.. hope we get in contact...
angela... if u really think u will b much happier this way.. i really hope u b happy ba.. if u need to cry or shed ur tear.. u can call me i will b there for u..
pearl.. sorry i have to do this.. but i make a mistake.. i really cant forgive myself.. i dun wanna treat.. plz understand that at least i m man enuff to tell u the truth..we can still b frend ba.. sorry..
guys.. over this few daes i really did a lot of wrong things.. so maybe u all could get update
missed you @ 4:08 AM
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